One of the happiest memories Dr Alvin Wong has of his childhood is of the times his father took him to watch live soccer matches.

On one such occasion, his father suffered a severe stomachache midway through the match. Though in great pain, he decided to drive them home.   

“He was in pain the whole way, and I must have been a bit scared because I was just a kid,” said the 57-year-old oncologist.

His father managed to get them both home safely, but had to be rushed to the hospital where it was later discovered that his appendix had ruptured.

“That is the moment that I treasure – me and my dad in a crisis, and him getting us home.”

Dr Wong (right) with his father who demonstrated quiet strength.

Aside from being a protector, Dr Wong’s father was also a good provider.

“My father was a simple man. He didn’t have high qualifications. He did various things like business, import, export.

“But he didn’t have to do anything spectacular. We were thankful. What I learnt from him was normality.”

Now 89, his father remains a man of few words. But Dr Wong describes his dad as the quintessential strong, silent man.

Men need models to look up to

Encouraged by the example set by his father, Dr Wong believes that it is important for other men to have models of positive manhood too.

In 2023, he helped to organise the Men’s Forum on Richness of Manhood (FoRM) that sought to “highlight the richness of manhood” so men can learn “how to be better men”.

This November, he is organising a second forum called Men’s FoRM II Conference, which is open to men from all backgrounds. 

In an era where toxic masculinity – negative traits society deems to be “manly” such as violence, dominance, emotional illiteracy, sexual entitlement and misogyny – is gaining prominence, the conference aims to point men to positive masculinity instead.

“Man’s intrinsic wiring should be re-awakened,” said Dr Wong, spurring men to re-think what it means to be men.

Ahead of the conference, Dr Wong shares with Salt&Light what being a man means to him personally. 

Dr Wong speaking at the FoRM conference in 2023, which was held at NUS Alumni House. Source: Forum on the Richness of Manhood’s Facebook page

It is okay to cry

As a Catholic, Dr Wong draws inspiration from the character of God and His Son, Jesus.

“God the Father is masculine in the sense that those roles attributed to Him are. God the Son is the perfect man – fully human even as He is fully God.”

Scripture also shows us the different sides of God.

“Jesus was confident in the way He calmed people down. He was sturdy, committed to His mission,” observed Dr Wong.

“But He was also vulnerable. He had all the vulnerability that men’s groups talk about. He knew when to open up, to sympathise, to have compassion, to cry. Our Lord cried (John 11:35).”

Explaining that crying is a “very human process”, he said: “Men can also cry. Men also need catharsis.” 

Asked when he had a good cry, Dr Wong revealed: “When I lost my mum. She was 67 years old.”

A steady presence

Masculinity can also be demonstrated by providing a quiet presence, said Dr Wong.

Turning to the Bible, he elaborated: “My favourite account is one with Mary Magdalene when she was flustered because she couldn’t find Jesus’ body (John 20:11-28).

“But with a single word, Jesus called to Mary and stilled her.”

Joseph, Jesus’ earthly father, was another example of quiet, steady presence.

When Jesus was left behind in Jerusalem, Joseph and Mary turned around to retrieve him (Luke 2:43-48), but Mary was the one who spoke to Jesus.

“He was there, but he lets Mum do the talking.”

The role of a protector

“Expendability is a very classic masculine trait,” said Dr Wong. 

Highlighting a man’s protective instinct, he pointed out how throughout history, sacrifice is “usually done by the man”. For instance, it is the men who go to war and are expected to die to protect others. 

Looking again to the example of Jesus, Dr Wong remarked that this was also central in His life.

“Jesus was expendable. He suffered, let Himself be ill-treated, sacrificed Himself.”

The conference in 2023 drew some 300 participants from various faiths.

A call to purity

Whether single or married, Dr Wong believes that “the struggle for chastity is the same for everyone”, which is why the topic of pornography has been included in the upcoming conference.

“We have to put our heads together to see how to fight this very modern-day problem,” said Dr Wong.

“There is plenty of neuroscience involved, and there are consequences and follow-up action that we and parents have to do.”

At one of the plenaries, a psychologist will speak on the neuroscience of addiction.

Secure in identity

The concept of identity is also very important because it leads to being rooted.

“To be rooted and have an identity is something you build on,” explained Dr Wong.

“It is important that you know where you came from and build on it. Then you will not be so subject to the currents of change.”

“In our Lord’s case, He could trace His genealogy on two sides (Matthew 1:1-17 and Luke 3:23-38),” said Dr Wong. “He was real, He was rooted.”

When you know who you are and whose you are, you also have “confidence that comes from your affiliation”.

With that in mind, one of the sessions at the conference will touch on genealogy, historicity and rootedness.

Comfort of community

Finally, men should have a network or group that “brings them away from self-isolation” and provides them with good support, said Dr Wong.

“Men need friends. It is something we need to learn.”

Recalling fondly how the friends he made during his university days helped him draw closer to God, Dr Wong said: “I was quite impressed by how they could be serious about their faith and their studies.”

As a result of these friendships, Dr Wong also went for his first silent retreat, which got him more serious about his faith.

“Until then, no one ever said that I could find God even through my studies; that there was a way to bridge the gap between faith and life, that there was no need for that dichotomy.”

Sharing how he felt God calling him to be single in his 20s, Dr Wong said: “I was almost 21. It was when I started to get serious about things of God. When you do, God talks to you.

“I have no regrets that I said ‘yes’ to God.”

Encouraging single men, he added: “Is it your calling to be single? If it is, use your availability to be dedicated to something.”

Men’s FoRM II Conference (November 1, 2025) is for men of all ages, including those single, married and with children. From career concerns to parenting tips and advice about ageing, the conference aims to help men navigate the unique challenges they face, so that they can be better versions of themselves. Registration is open. 

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