I come from a humble family of four: My parents, my younger brother and I. My parents were lowly-educated. Dad worked as a machine supervisor and Mum was a hotel cleaner in a five-star hotel then. 

Mum had me when she was 34 and Dad was 37. We were a traditional family, in that our parents may not have expressed their love but they loved us as best as they could. Being hardworking people, they were strict with us and wanted us to study hard.

Growing up, I was quiet, shy and did now know how to relate well to others. Then at 17, when I was in junior college, there was a morning prayer group, and I was soon assimilated into a youth ministry cell group.

It was with simple, childlike faith that I came to God. As I joined His family and started attending Faith Community Baptist Church, I began to feel His love through the acceptance I received from my cell group and the guidance of my cell group leader. 

For the first time, I experienced what it meant to be loved unconditionally.

A difficult season

During my “A” levels, I fared poorly in General Paper, and as a result I could not get into the Law Faculty of the National University of Singapore (NUS).

I wanted to pursue law largely because our parents desired for my brother and I to be either doctors or lawyers. Their perception was that being a doctor or lawyer would mean we had good  social standing. 

I could not think about medicine, because I had been an Arts student all through secondary school and junior college  – I did not do well in science and mathematics.

I was disappointed because although I was always hardworking, my results made me feel I was less academically inclined than others. Although I went to Victoria Junior College, which is among the  top junior colleges, I believed it was because I worked harder than others to make up for being less intelligent.

So I enrolled in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (FASS) at NUS, majoring in economics and geography. I suddenly felt that my career options would be limited being in FASS – I did not know what I could work as when I graduated.

In my first year of university, my world came crashing down. My mother suffered a sudden stroke. She was 53.

I was only 19, and I felt so helpless. I remember crying out to God: “Why, Lord? What did this happen?”

I was still a young Christian at the time, and I battled with self-identity. All I could do was to lean on my faith and hope that God would see me through. Deep inside, even though I had so many questions, my heart clung to the simple belief that God could heal her.

Mum lost her mobility on the left side of her body  after the stroke. Dad became distraught and was unable to deal with his emotions. Already a heavy smoker and drinker, he began to smoke and drink even more.

My younger brother was doing his National Service at that time, so I found myself caught in between managing my parents’ emotions alone, while trying to keep myself together. Before Mum suffered from a stroke, my father and I did not have the best relationship: He was very strict with me and we used to argue a lot due to our differences. 

Finances became another struggle. We  survived on one source of income since my brother and I were not yet able to contribute financially to the family. Thankfully, my brother obtained  a local scholarship and his university fees were sponsored. 

My father continued to work, and I gave tuition to earn my pocket money. But I saw God’s provision: When I needed money, He sent me a tutoring opportunity. What I made from tutoring sustained me through all three years at NUS. God made sure I had just enough.

Believing God for a miracle

There were many nights I broke down and cried at my Mum’s condition and our family situation, unable to see any improvement. I would be praying and crying out desperately: “God, help me. Help my family.”

And every single time, He gave me just enough strength to go on — one day, one step, one prayer at a time.

Mum’s stroke left her immobile on the left side of her body, but thankfully, she was still lucid and alert.

We hired a domestic helper to help us with Mum. She would carry Mum around and help to bathe her in the initial months. After eight months, we ended her contract as she was stealing monies. Also, it was a financial commitment we could not cope with long term.

By the eighth month, by the grace of God, Mum had become more mobile. I was still in school and living with my parents, so I was physically with Mum most of the time. Dad would help with the house-cleaning like mopping the floor. 

I was the one who would bring Mum to her doctors’ appointments – it is something I have done since then up till today.

Delia with her mother in 2023. Although she now has her own home, Delia visits her mother every week at the family home.

Mum started getting better after eight months. God’s healing was real in her life: From not being able to walk at all, to being on crutches, to being able to walk with a walking stick. But yes, she has a permanent limp.

Those years were very tough. I juggled university classes, school work, giving tuition once a week, having to be physically there with Mum a lot of the time, and at the same time, I was a cell leader leading a small group of junior college girls. 

In my heart and mind, I was lost during that season. I had little sense of who I was, and all through university into my mid-20s, I had to journey through finding my identity in Christ. 

I questioned God a lot about why this happened and asked Him how to handle things, and at the same time I would pray for strength – physically, mentally and emotionally.

My cell leader and my cell group constantly prayed for me as well, and I believe, supernaturally, God strengthened and sustained me.

Trusting in God’s plan

The first year, as a 19-year-old, I struggled with managing my own emotions as all around me, none of my friends were going through anything similar.

I was a caregiver before I became an adult. I grappled with a lack of self-confidence, social isolation, and constant fatigue. I had to juggle between my career and tending to my parents. I did not date until I was 30 as all my time was spent working and caring for my parents.

I began working at 22 upon graduating from university, while also caring for Mum. I worked very hard. Thank God, I had my cell group and my cell leader to turn to in my 20s.

On March 15, 2014, my dad fell ill. Tests were done in hospital and within three days, he was confirmed to have Stage Four lung cancer – it had spread to the brain. In June that year, Dad went home to the Lord at the age of 70.

Dad accepted Jesus after he fell ill, and he was baptised in hospital. His Pastor and cell leader would visit him at home and in hospital, and he even went to church twice before he passed away.

He allowed us to clear our family home of all the artefacts of his previous religion. Since then, we have experienced peace in the home. Our relationships with one another kept improving over the years.

I was Dad’s main caregiver as my brother was not living with our parents anymore – he was already married with a child, and he travelled for work often. So I would manage my work schedule so that I could take care of Dad physically from 6am to 8pm daily, with the help of his domestic helper.

Today, Mum is 78. She came to Christ when I was 19, but because my dad was unhappy with that, she stumbled on her faith as a Christian. But in recent years, she returned to believing in Jesus again, and was baptised in 2019.

Delia with her mother last Christmas.

Throughout my caregiving journey, amid adversity and not knowing what would happen next, I trusted that God had special plans for me. I had a supportive cell leader and fellow cell group brother and sisters in Christ, who walked alongside me with prayer and community.

Today I continue to worship at FCBC, although I am in another cell group made up largely of elderly members.

Letting God use me for His purpose

Two verses have kept me clinging on to God all these years: 

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

“They replied, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.’” Acts 16:31

Today, I know that through all these years, God has been here for me, and I believe my caregiving experiences and enduring adversity were for His purpose: He would use me to encourage many to trust in Him.

My pain has become my purpose. I now make it my mission to advocate for caregivers and the elderly. I speak publicly about my caregiving experience at events like an SG60 storyteller event and recently at a dementia seminar, not because it is extraordinary, but because I know there are many people like me – ordinary people thrust into extraordinary circumstances.

Through my 25 years (and counting) of caregiving, I have become resilient – emotionally, mentally and physically. I have become more empathetic to those who have to care for someone, whether spouse, parents, children, friends or siblings, because I know what they are going through. God has trained me to be strong and resilient, and to strengthen others.

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