On July 4, 2015, Rayneld and Leta Edam were on their way to a hospital in Melaka with their two-month-old infant, Hannah, who was due for a check-up.

Their elder daughter, Naoimi, was at the babysitter’s.

With several cars ahead of them, they came to a stop at a traffic light.

Suddenly, a car from the opposite direction rammed through the divider and smashed into their stationary vehicle.

“I don’t remember clearly what happened,” said Rayneld, who found himself drifting in and out of consciousness after the accident due to blood loss from his injuries.

He recalls Leta telling him they had been in an accident, but when he woke up again, she and Hannah were gone.

Leta had flagged down a car to rush Hannah to the hospital. Her mother’s instinct knew something was wrong – the infant had a large bump on her head and was not crying.

“At the hospital, Hannah started having seizures. She was given emergency care and placed in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit), but the doctors told us it didn’t look good,” recalled Leta, 42.

Scenes from the accident showed the severity of impact when an oncoming car rammed through the divider and hit the Edams’ stationary vehicle.

Meanwhile Rayneld, who had a severed artery in his forehead, was being extracted from the wreckage by firefighters. Only after his surgery the next day did Leta reveal the severity of Hannah’s condition.

On the fourth day after the accident, doctors gently told them their little girl would not make it.

With deep sorrow, Rayneld, Leta and Naoimi held Hannah, prayed and declared Scripture over her, before releasing her to God.

At 10.39am on July 7, 2015, Jesus carried Hannah to her eternal home.

A haze of anger, grief and pain

At the time, the couple, who hail from Sarawak, were serving with the Fellowship of Evangelical Students (FES), a ministry to Christian university students.

As news of the accident spread, the FES Malaysia team quickly came from other cities to be with them, offering prayer and practical support. Their families also flew in from Sarawak.

They became a vital net of prayer, love and practical help for Rayneld, Leta and Naiomi.

Hannah Edam, the family’s Little Rainbow.

In a move that some could not comprehend, the couple chose to forgive the 19-year-old car driver as they felt he still had his whole life ahead of him.

“Our family had already lost a child. If we had aggressively pressed charges and sought the maximum punishment, another family would have lost their child too,” Rayneld said, with Leta nodding in agreement.

Still, their pain remained raw and scathing. “I was just so angry at God,” said Leta.

The grief took a toll on their relationship. For a time, they withdrew emotionally from each other as they processed their loss.

A month later, they travelled to Cameron Highlands as part of the organising team for an FES Camp. There, as they served others through their own pain, God ministered to each of them deeply.

Wrestling with God for answers

“It was at Camp Cameron that I really wrestled with God: Why did this happen? Were we right to forgive the boy?” Leta said. “I wrote letters to God, to Hannah and to the boy who hit us.”

Rayneld, now 45, had his own journey. As the driver that day, he was weighed down with guilt for choosing that particular route and departure time.

Two questions gnawed at him: Was Hannah truly in the arms of God? And had he lived a life that displeased the Lord, resulting in this ‘punishment’?

“I struggled with feeling qualified to be in ministry. Whenever I visited campuses, I would break down in front of the students,” said Rayneld, now assistant secretary-general of FES Malaysia.

Slowly he realised that he could still serve because even sharing our struggles is a form of ministry. God works powerfully through our weaknesses, flaws and vulnerabilities.

“Over the years, God has taught me that it’s not about what we have to offer,” he said.

Grief transforms over time

This year marks the 10th anniversary of Hannah’s passing. In 2017, the Lord blessed the couple with another daughter, Natalia, whom Leta lovingly calls Serri.

Seri in Bahasa Malaysia means “even” or “to draw level”.

“When Serri arrived, the busyness of motherhood helped to fill the void. I felt the Lord had restored what we had lost. He had evened the score,” she explained.

In 2021, God gave them another gift: Their first son, Noel. The family later moved to Kuala Lumpur and they settled into a daily rhythm of family life, work and ministry.

The Edam family today: Rayneld, Leta and son Noel (front), with daughters Naoimi (back right) and Natalia (back left). Hannah, their second daughter, would have been 10 years old this year.

As the years passed, Rayneld and Leta realised that grief never truly disappears. It simply changes form.

“It’s no longer a deep, unbearable ache. We grieve differently now. These years have been a journey of healing and acceptance, and the pain has softened,” Rayneld said. Beside him, Leta quietly wiped away a few tears.

Earlier this year, during a round of spring cleaning, they came across a paper inked with Hannah’s handprints and footprints, a tender memento the hospital nurses had prepared so the family would have something to hold on to.

In a tender gesture, nurses at the hospital inked Hannah’s tiny hands and feet as a memento for the family to take home.

Leta also found a photo of the accident scene. Memories returned — not with crushing weight, but with quiet reflection.

“We feel thankfulness and remembrance. God gave us the strength we needed, day by day,” she said.

“When we remember Hannah now, it’s more like, ‘If she were here, how tall would she be?’ Or ‘If she were around, she’d probably be close to Naoimi’,” Rayneld added.

Jesus gives the strength to forgive

A year after the accident, the father of the 19-year-old driver reached out to ask if they would provide an official statement confirming that they were not pursuing a harsh sentence.

Rayneld went to the police station and gave his statement, reaffirming their decision to forgive, as well as their support for a lesser charge.

Though they had chosen to forgive, Leta admitted that it had been a difficult process.

“But forgiveness is what Jesus taught us, and now I just want to live in obedience to Him,” Leta said. “It’s not easy, but I am thankful that, through His strength, I am able to live from a place of forgiveness.”

Their gentle advice to bereaved parents is this:

1. Surround yourself with a godly, sincere community.
2. Don’t neglect your other children or responsibilities.
3. Remember that as spouses, you’re called to serve, love and support one another always.

Leta added that healing is not fast, and grief is not linear.

“Don’t expect to heal immediately. Give yourself room to miss your child and long for them. Don’t walk this journey alone. Embrace the friends God sends your way,” she shared, acknowledging an FES staff member who continues to walk closely with her to this day.

Hope for tomorrow

Hannah Tening Edam only lived for two months on this side of eternity, but her memory lives on. Every year, the family makes a two-hour drive to Melaka to visit her grave.

There, they pray together, worship the Lord and remind the children of their sister who is waiting for them in heaven.

The Edams at Hannah’s grave.

“We want our children to remember Hannah. Though she’s gone ahead of us, she has always been, and will always be, a part of our family,” said Rayneld.

In life, in loss and even in death, Rayneld and Leta have learned to return to the Cross for perspective, grace and hope.

At the Cross, they remember God’s sovereignty and hold fast to the truth: He has numbered our days. He is still good. He is still loving. And He invites us to meet Him in our grief.

“God has proven to be the God who never leaves us. I was so angry with Him, yet He never turned His back on me. The more I journey with Him, the more I realise that He restores and hears the cry of our hearts,” Leta said.

As they mark 10 years of Hannah’s passing, Rayneld and Leta keep going back to the Cross to find comfort in this truth: Because of Christ, death is not the end of the story.

Rayneld was silent for a moment, choosing his final words with care.

“When we realise what Jesus did for us, we learn to embrace the parts of our faith that include pain, suffering and persecution, knowing that there is ultimate victory.

“We have the hope that this life is not the end of the story. There is a life to come.”

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