In every season, discipling our children, our youth, our next generation is different, right?

My son just enlisted, so discipleship looks different for me and my wife in this season. The empty nest syndrome is very real because we only have one child.

I am just a fellow sojourner. I am here as somebody who is journeying along with you, wanting the best for our next generation.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NLT) is a familiar Scripture text, and it is about discipleship on the go.

“And you must commit yourself wholeheartedly to these commands that I’m giving you today.

Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you’re on the road, when you are going to bed and when you’re getting up.

Tie them on your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the door posts of your house and on your gates.”

I just want to share a few thoughts with you.

1. Grasp the intentionality

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 actually has many words that speak of intentionality.

You must “commit”, “repeat them again and again”, “talk”, “tie”, “wear”, “write”. These are verbs of intentionality.

This is “on the way” discipleship, not “by the way”. There is a difference. Sometimes our discipleship is not intentional but very accidental.

How can you be intentional? Through daily habits and rhythms.  

2. Harness the times

Deuteronomy 6 is very clear about the times that we can harness for discipleship moments.

Together at home

“when you are at home”

This often happens over a meal, so turn off the TV and put aside your devices because these are discipleship opportunities.

Another thing we have got to do is Sunday devotion. Now I know it may look like different things for different people in different times of their lives.

When you have children, it is easy to get them together, but when you have teenagers, they do not want to come because they have got so many other things to do. But do not let go of that opportunity.

All I am saying is that you have got to press on. Be intentional. Do not not give up.

Travelling

“when you are on the road”

I do not have a lot of time with my boy, so I value the time when we are on the road.

It means I will raise my hand and say “I will go and pick him” even though I am tired, even though we may not talk much on the road.

When we are together, sometimes God just gives me that discipleship moment when we talk about something.

I ask him simple things like “Hey, anything interesting on Instagram?” or “What’s the latest fad?”

In the example of a couple caught on camera during the Coldplay concert, a discipleship moment could be: “Wow, I really feel for their kids. Why don’t we pause and think about how this will impact their kids? Why don’t we say a prayer for them?”

Seize discipleship moments and make them come alive, encouraged Ps Raymond.

You can also turn your holiday, your actual travelling, into discipleship moments.

During mission trip debriefs, we come together at the end of the day and ask: “What have you learned? What are your struggles?”

We can also do a family holiday debrief. “What did you discover about yourself during the holiday? What did you discover about God?”

Simple questions like that just take 15 minutes. You can really have deep spiritual moments on holiday.

Going to bed

“when you are going to bed”

I know many of you say a simple prayer, read a verse and tell a story. But I am going to give you another idea.

Examen is the Latin word for “examination”. It is a spiritual discipline where you actually go through your day. It is something I do every night for myself.

First and foremost, think of what went well. What were you joyful about? Give thanks to God. Then you think about what did not go well and ask for God’s forgiveness. Finally, you surrender the next day to God.

You can do some research and contextualise it for your family. Spend 10 to 15 minutes just reviewing the day, looking forward and surrendering the day.

Start of the day

“when you are getting up”

I used to really try and push this on my son early in the morning. But it didn’t work because at 6.45am when we are going to school together, we are not awake.

So I have learnt that discipleship in the morning is how I model patience on the road, how when I am stuck in traffic and I remain incredibly calm.

Here is the truth: It is not going to be one time, but many times. Discipleship takes time. That is why verse 7 says “repeat them again and again”.

There are seasons when it is going to be really tough. There are winter seasons when it is really cold and you feel alone, but you have got to press on. Fruit takes time to bear.

3. Rethink the approaches

Have conversations, not just give instructions

I grew up in an era when instructions worked. Kids today are really different. 

At some point in time, their faith no longer becomes relevant because they are not given the opportunity to question or have a conversation with you.

“If we stick to an old paradigm, it is not really going to work in the long run,” said Ps Raymond.

There is this good book by Lacy Finn Borgo called Spiritual Conversations with Children, which talks about how you can begin to have proper conversations with even young children about spiritual matters.

For example, we tell our next generation that God answers prayer. Have you asked them what happens if God does not answer prayer? Do you invite them to share?

Today, as young as Primary 4 or 5, they have all these questions that we adults think about.

If you do not create space for conversation, they might walk away thinking: “You don’t dare to engage us, you don’t want to engage us or you don’t care enough to engage us.”

Enquire and engage

Validation is a big thing for young people today. When you validate, it means you acknowledge what they are feeling.

It may not be right to you, but do not dismiss it. This is really important to creating a relationship. Enquire and engage – find out why are they going through this.

Engaging them from the perspective of their friends is another important practice.

This revelation came to me because when I asked my son “What you think of this?”, he did not want to talk very much. But the moment I asked him “What do your friends think about this?”, it was as if the flood gates opened.

You know why? Because at a certain age, friends are more important than you. So engage, then pray for wisdom to know what to say or not say anything at all.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to keep quiet and allow them to openly express what they feel. They are not looking for answers. They are looking for solace in companionship.

Create safe space for doubt and disagreement

This was Jesus’ method of discipleship. In Matthew 13, the disciples came to Jesus and said: “Why do you use parables when you talk to the people?” They were questioning the methods of Jesus.

In Matthew 15, the disciples came to Him and said: “Do you realise that you are offending the Pharisees?” Essentially, they were questioning Jesus’ lack of EQ (emotional quotient).

In Matthew 17, they came to Him and said: “Why do the teachers of the religious law insist that Elijah must return before the Messiah comes?” That is a question of theology.

In Matthew 17 again, they asked Jesus privately: “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon?” That is bringing their failures to Jesus.

Finally in Matthew 19, they were astounded by Jesus’ answer that it is hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God. Then they asked Jesus: “Who in the world can be saved?” They were questioning Jesus’ theology.

Have you wondered about the boldness of the disciples in asking all these questions of their Master when they were supposed to be reverential, to follow this Rabbi who is their Lord?

It is because Jesus created a culture of safe space. He actually allowed all these questions to surface.

In the same way, we have to create a safe space for doubt and disagreement. It is okay when your children disagree with you. It is also okay when they doubt.

In the words of JRR Tolkien who wrote The Lord of the Rings: “Not all those who wander are lost.”

Sometimes the moment they wander, we want to pull them back. All you need to do is to create a space for them to be on a journey of searching and discovery.

Model reverence as we seek to be relevant

We have got to help our next gen see an “everyday God” and not a “weekend God”.

If we are not careful, they will think that God is only for the weekends because from Monday to Friday, they do not see any reverence for God in their parents’ lives.

That is why the first part of Deuteronomy is so important: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength (v5). Then comes this part about discipling your children.

The moment you model reverence on a daily basis, it impacts them for life.

Ps Raymond issued a challenge to parents and those discipling children and youth: Can our next generation see reverence in our daily walk?

When I was growing up, my mum would get up at 5am to pray and do her Quiet Time. As a student, I would stumble out of bed at 6 plus and see my mum.

Because of her example, today my priority is my devotional time the moment I get up.

There are a lot of things that are timely, but you have to bring out the timeless. You have to model reverence for the timeless things of God.

The design and the principles of God are timeless. God has a design and principles from His Word for everything, from sexuality to the work that you do.

If you show reverence for that and engage with what is relevant, then it becomes holistic discipleship.

I pray we will understand that more is caught than taught. More happens at home and in the car than the two, three hours that you have in church.

Parents, press on

In closing, I want to encourage you from God’s Word.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labour is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:58 ESV)

The context of 1 Corinthians 15 is the resurrection of Christ. Because of what Christ has done on the cross, Paul is able to tell the church in Corinth right at the end of the letter: “Press on! It is not in vain.”

There are seasons when it will be rough. There are times when it will be very difficult, when your child does not respond. It is not in vain.

Parents, press on and know that our God is delighted with your surrender. He is delighted with your sacrifice. Do not let anything shake the work that you do.

You cannot be impatient in discipleship. Sometimes I think we put in microwave meals for our children and expect microwave results. I do not mean physical food but spiritual food.

But we know that it is the slow-cooked soup that boils for hours and days that is truly nutritious. Do not give up on soup for a quick fix.

You have to surrender your effort. That means to say: “God, this is my effort. You bring the harvest.”

All you have to do is be that little boy who comes with the five loaves and two fish. Jesus used something that was so precious to this boy and multiplied it to feed 5,000.

Today, as you offer something precious to you – your children – the Lord knows your effort. Surrender it to God. Trust that in His time He makes all things beautiful.

As we disciple the next gen on the go, we ourselves are also on the go.

But when we are on the go, we must always fall back to who Jesus is, the timeless principles of the Word and the timeless person of this God whom we worship.

He is the Alpha and the Omega. He is the One who will keep you to the end.

As you go, bring others with you – disciple your children, the youth, the next gen. And one day may the Lord come to you and say: “Well done because you have been a good and faithful servant.”

This excerpt from Ps Raymond Fong’s closing plenary is part of a series of articles we are running from the D6 Singapore Family Conference 2025 on discipling the next generation in our churches and homes. This year’s theme was “As We Go”.

For more details about next year’s conference, do head over to biblesociety.sg/registration, which is now taking early bird registrations.  

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