On the day I saw our child in our first ultrasound scan at the hospital, my life was forever changed. It suddenly hit me: I am a dad.

My wife and I are expecting our firstborn in the middle of this year.

It might come as a surprise that we are respectively about five and seven years below the median age of a first-time mother and father in Singapore.

But Andrea and I didn’t arrive at this decision overnight.

When we got married, it took time for us to adjust to life as a new family unit, as we learnt how to navigate each other’s routines and preferences.

After a few months of marriage, we started to desire children.

Douglas and Andrea tied the knot in 2024 and recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary.

With the richness of the love and intimacy we shared, we wanted it to overflow into another life, into a new generation.

Little did I know that I would be fulfilling the meaning of my Chinese name 王溢恩 (king overflowing with grace) so soon.

Like many expecting parents, we acknowledge the demands that parenthood brings – anticipating nervously the days of reduced sleep, increased expenses and slower career progression.

Yet, we felt at peace about having children early. In fact, we yearned to receive the gift of children.

So when God blessed us with a child a few months into our marriage, we received the good news with celebration, awe and much excitement!

A new identity

Suddenly, a deep desire arose in me – to protect, provide for and be present for my wife and our growing baby. This played out in a variety of contexts.

If my wife had a small cut or an accidental bump, I would find any means to soothe her pain and check if our child was fine.

At work, I approached each task with the mindset that what I created with my hands would positively impact my child’s generation and leave a legacy that will outlast my lifetime.

Interestingly, one of the main projects I was working on was called FamChamps Junior, a curriculum for preschools and church ministries to teach children about the value of family.

While I was shaping the hearts and minds of the next generation to love their families, unbeknown to me, God the Father was knitting and forming our little one in my wife’s womb – a “FamChamps Junior” of my own!

As a staff member of Focus on the Family Singapore, Douglas is mainly involved in programmes that inspire the love of family in children and youth.

Every day, I carry my wife and child in my heart – and that has changed the way I converse (I notice I use a lot more “we” instead of “I” now), relate to friends and colleagues, and even make decisions.

When making a purchase online, especially a significant one, I consider whether it would bring me closer to my family or isolate me from them.

What has happened to me? Well, I became a dad!

The culture we live in today prioritises individual achievements and personal fulfilment – our individual identity. But I realised that fatherhood has given me an even bigger identity.

My family identity calls me to look beyond myself. This mindset shift was significant for me.

I have also come to realise that the call of a father means understanding that I play a critical role in my family.

For instance, my wife has expressed how supported she feels whenever I accompany her for the monthly hospital visits. To me, it seemed like such a small thing – all I did was attend the appointment with her.

But such is the power of a husband’s presence. I am no longer an island, focusing solely on my own needs and wants. I am a husband, a father.

Healing from the past

Looking back, it is a miracle that I am where I am today.

Growing up, I endured certain pains in my childhood that made it difficult for me to imagine having my own family one day.

My parents did their best to provide what they had never received themselves, yet there were very real emotional needs that remained unmet.

Through the presence of older mentors and trusted peers in church, I had a safe space to process my pain – to heal from it, to forgive and to even seek forgiveness from my parents for the times I closed my heart to them.

Today, I can relate to my mother and father in a way I could not when I held unforgiveness in my heart. I am thankful I can be a blessing to them as their son.

Just like many from his generation, Douglas too faced his own share of struggles while growing up. He believes that having an understanding of our family experiences and how they have shaped who we are today is key to navigating our present relationships.

It was God who restored to me the heart of a son, which enabled me to relate to Him as a loving Abba Father.

I would say that was the pivotal turning point for the restoration of my desire to be a father myself.  

Because I was first fathered by God Himself, fatherhood is an invitation to experience my Heavenly Father in deeper measure.

The gift of our child is a miracle to our family – the beginning of a new generation, the realisation of hopes and dreams, the anticipation of the person she will become and the many stories we will create together.

In both our families, our daughter will also be the first grandchild and great-grandchild. That is an incredible blessing we get to give to our parents and grandparents.

Our child is not a burden, but a gift

I am aware that many young people today see parenthood as a hindrance to personal fulfilment.

This is understandable given the very real demands on time, energy and lifestyle changes that come with having children.

If I am honest, the tangible costs appear to far outweigh the reward. But parenthood and choosing to be a father is not a cost-benefit analysis.

With the arrival of our child, it might seem like resources will have to be divided between my wife and our baby.

But God has placed on my heart to view the gift of our child not as a burden but as the addition of a member to our unique family team – someone with her own personality and quirks.

Just as the drafting of a new player in a sports team brings much anticipation and joy, my wife and I eagerly await how our newborn will enrich our family, multiplying the love that we already have.

All ready for baby: Douglas and Andrea are thankful that they get to build a home together and be a family.

At the heart of parenthood is also a question of trust.

Do I trust the wisdom of our Father who says, “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28)? Do I trust His Word that children are a reward (Psalm 127:3)?

My wife and I believe that the seed of love between a husband and wife in the covenant of marriage will bear the fruit of life. This is God’s perfect design.

Children are the fruit of the womb, and every life is a gift from above.

We don’t yet own our own home or have a huge amount of money set aside for our newborn. Nonetheless, we are confident in raising our child and certain that she will not lack anything!

Why? Because her Daddy and Mummy are committed to each other in a lifelong covenant of faithfulness, and our Heavenly Father is leading our family every step of the way.

He has brought us together as the Ong family – and we find our origin in the heart of Abba Father (Ephesians 3:14-15).

As we fulfil His command to be fruitful and multiply, we trust that His wisdom and guidance will be with us through every transition.

I am excited to welcome our child into our family – to shape and mould a life in a way that pleases God, and to see our child discover her identity as a beloved daughter of our Father in Heaven.

To all fathers and soon-to-be-fathers like myself, Happy Father’s Day!

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