Many years ago, Sister Geraldine Tan received a call from an 11-year-old.

“Sister Geraldine, can you come to my house? My grandmother is very strange today. She can’t prepare my breakfast, she is walking very slowly and she’s just lost.”

Sister Geraldine rushed to his house to discover that the young boy’s grandmother had suffered a vascular stroke. The elderly woman survived but would later develop dementia. It came to a point where the boy’s parents could no longer care for his grandmother at home. They discussed sending her to a nursing home.

Sister Geraldine Tan shared experiences from her years of caring for dementia patients. Photo courtesy of St Luke’s ElderCare.

When the boy overheard the conversation, he ran to his room, brought out his Nintendo game console and told his parents: “I’m not going to play with this anymore. Can you give Grandma a place in this home?”

The family decided to continue caring for Grandma at home. The boy’s willingness to surrender his beloved toy had moved his parents.

“It was such a beautiful story,” said Sister Geraldine who had witnessed the event.

“I see this family as resilient, accepting a new reality even if it is less good than before, accepting that the grandmother was different now.”

Sister Geraldine, the former Executive Director of St Joseph’s Home and a nurse trained in Palliative Care and Clinical Pastoral Care, was speaking at St Luke’s CommCare Symposium 2025 on the topic: “Love Beyond Loss: Supporting People with Dementia in Their Final Journey”.

“No advanced dementia patient dies from over-forgetting. No one dies because they cannot recognise you,” Sister Geraldine pointed out.

Instead, dementia causes a slow decline until the body, weakened, succumbs to infection. Therefore, the last days of those suffering from dementia will not be spent mostly in bed. For this reason, it is important to maintain the quality and dignity of their life.  

“My presentation today focuses on the spirit within as we care for them, the spirituality of reaching out to hearts.”

Below are the key points of Sister Geraldine’s sharing.

1. Have heart

“Have a heart of gratitude,” was Sister Geraldine’s advice to caregivers.

As you care for the one with dementia, think back to the past of how they may have cared for you and thank them. The care then is not seen as a burden but becomes imbibed with good memories.

Approach the person with a heart of forgiveness because “not every parent is a perfect parent”.

“It is a moment of forgiveness, of healing. In that healing, our care becomes easier.”

Then, have a heart that holds both joy and sorrow because there will be ups and downs in caregiving.

Finally, have a heart of hospitality.

“Today Mummy is eating, tomorrow she is not. Just welcome it. Move according to the flow of their life,” urged Sister Geraldine.

2. Find ways to reach them

Sister Geraldine has first-hand experience caring for a loved one with dementia. Her grandmother who had looked after her since birth suffered from dementia.

Sister Geraldine (right) with her grandmother. Photo courtesy of Sister Geraldine Tan.

When her grandmother could no longer eat because she stopped being able to swallow, Sister Geraldine found ways to stimulate her sense of taste.

“They cannot eat doesn’t mean they cannot taste.”

She would squeeze a little bit of lime into her mouth so that her salivary glands would be stimulated and she would not have cracked lips.

“Then no need to spend so much money on dry mouth cream,” quipped Sister Geraldine.

Soon, she progressed to giving Grandma a little bit of coffee, durian, even a lollipop.

Sister Geraldine also thought up different activities as therapies for her grandmother. She would freeze fruits in ice cubes and ask her grandmother to find ways to thaw the ice to retrieve the fruit. This helped the older woman practise gripping things and engaged her sense of touch.

When her grandmother had to use a wheelchair, Sister Geraldine bought a basin for her feet and filled it with bubbles.

In her last days, her grandmother lived in a home and Sister Geraldine cared for her. Photo courtesy of Sister Geraldine Tan.

”There she was, catching bubbles with her legs. It is all these little things that can create a difference.”

Though the grandmother she knew who had called her “the best granddaughter” was gone, Sister Geraldine used these ways to reach what she could of her.

3. Follow their actions to hear their voice

People with dementia may not be able to articulate their needs or express their thoughts, but they can still show their desires by their actions.

Sister Geraldine told the story of Mr Ben who had dementia. After his wife passed away from cancer, he would go to one of the rooms in his home and spend a lot of time there. Eventually, his family locked the room to prevent him from entering it.

When Sister Geraldine visited him, she found him staring at the door. So she asked to accompany him into that room. Mr Ben spent three to four hours turning the room upside down. Eventually, he emerged with a shell with the word “darling” on it inside a box. Beneath the shell was a ring that he had used to proposed to his wife.

“We are always stopping them from doing things. Just follow the person who is wandering to see what it is that he wants to do.

“Give them a chance, spend time with them. There is something they can remember that they want to connect with.”

A few days after this, Mr Ben’s son called Sister Geraldine to tell her that his father had placed the shell beside his mother’s photograph. Sister Geraldine then encouraged the family to get Mr Ben a treasure box so he could collect keepsake from the room.

“That is his way to express himself. He has no voice, but he speaks with his actions. Listen. If you dare to be silent with him, you can hear him.”

4. Respond to them with dignity

Quoting dementia expert Teepa Snow, Sister Geraldine said: “Dementia doesn’t rob someone of their dignity. It’s our reaction to them that does.”

Loss may have reshaped them and the way they think, making our loved ones with dementia strangers to us. But we still need to respond to them with love and kindness.

“At the end stage of dementia, they are at our mercy. We need to hold them and embrace them and give them back that dignity that they need,” reminded Sister Geraldine.

5. Called by God to love the least

Finally, Sister Geraldine drew from Matthew 25:35-36, 40 to remind the participants that whatever they did in the care of those with dementia, they were doing for God.

“When they are not able to eat, find ways to give them food. They may be your mum and your dad, but in the final stage, they may become strangers. They may be imprisoned by their own pain, their own imagination, their own thoughts.

“They are all representations of Christ. If we are able to cultivate that attitude within in our outreach to them, we are able to be Christ to them.“

As a final encouragement, Sister Geraldine left the participants with the words of a song:

These Alone Are Enough

Take my heart, O Lord, take my hopes and my dreams.
Take my mind with all its plans and schemes.
Give me nothing more than your love and grace.
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

Take my thoughts, O Lord, and my memory.
Take my tears, my joys, my liberty.
Give me nothing more than your love and grace.
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

I surrender, Lord, all I have and hold.
I return to your gifts untold. 
Give me nothing more than your love and grace. 
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

When the darkness falls on my final days,
Take the very breath that sang your praise. 
Give me nothing more than your love and grace.
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

“At the end of the day, we all need the grace to surrender what we have, the memories that we built and allow the Lord to calm us because, at the end of the day, it is only Him that we need.”

St Luke’s ElderCare (SLEC) is organising the SLEC Miles of Smiles 60km Challenge to honour and support its elders, the ones who have shaped our nation, communities and families.

Participants can run, walk or hike 60km anywhere from November 1, 2025 to January 31, 2026. SLEC aims to raise S$500,000 for its elders through this virtual challenge. Your support will help build a future with dignity, care and a smile.

Click here to find out more.

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